The Most Important Relationship You’ll Ever Have!!
Oscar Wilde said
“To love oneself is the beginning of a life long romance”
I’m here to tell you – YES it is!
Love is not something you find in a shop window or a glass of wine. It’s not something that you eat to fill your self up. Love is not something you stumble upon or find in the guy or girl you met last week or will meet tomorrow.
Well sure you might be a little happier and a little entertained for the moment, but these people and things will never complete you, not until you have recognized and created love for yourself.
So why is this important?
If you are not kind to self then how could you extend that hand of kindness to another? You could try, but there will always be a feeling of resentment because you will be dedicating energy outwardly without ever knowing what it feels like inwardly.
Now I’m a lover of practicing random acts of kindness towards others, but only if you do it for yourself first.
Our self worth stems from a place of love or lack there of. Where are you in your life at the current moment?
Are you merely surviving living a routine life, yet are completely empty on the inside? You know working a 9 to 5 Monday to Friday or maybe you don’t work because you can’t be bothered or maybe you’re in a job that pays good money but robs your soul.
And so then what do you fill yourself up with? Do you get drunk on weekends? Do you overeat or smoke or do you have a lot of casual sex to fill a void; to compensate for a loss? And in this process do you feel that you are losing yourself?
What do you tell yourself to convince yourself that tomorrow things will be better, that tomorrow you will be happier?
You know that voice that reassures you that when I’ve finished my degree I’ll be free or when I’ve paid off all my debt, or this or that or that or this.
Do you have an inner critic?
Do you tell yourself that you’re too fat, too thin, too ugly? Do you tell yourself that she/he has it better or they came from a good family? Do you say to yourself that you’ll never make it even if you are doing all that you can to get there?
We could blame our generation for the thoughts and fears they have filled us with. We could blame our parents for the conditioning they imposed on us. We could blame the media for programming us to think we lack, we are less or we are never good enough. We could blame it on bad childhoods, a war we escaped, sickness, death or our lack of education.
These are all choices we make because perhaps we find an excuse in all of them to explain why we are here, why we are unhappy, unorganised, unfulfilled.
It’s simple. If you want different results then change your actions.
It always starts with you. It always starts with your choice. All you have to do is decide to take your power back and it’s yours.
Here are my suggestions…..
MIRROR
Inner feelings reflect outwardly.
I’d like you to stand in the mirror and look at yourself. What do you see?
Who is looking at you? What are the inner voices telling you? Are they putting you down? Do you feel silly?
Remember your mistakes. Remember your failures and regrets.
Now forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for all the bad choices you made in the past. Self-love cannot come into being without this step. You must find compassion for yourself and it begins with forgiving everything and everyone that you see in the mirror.
Perhaps this is the time that the demons of your childhood come to haunt you. Your parents may have been abusive. Know that they did the best they could at the time. Forgive them. (This could be hard)
So I grew up in a war torn country. In a blink of an eye I lost my house, my country, my childhood and my identity. I carried resentment, pain and confusion for many years. My youth was somewhat unhealthy, experimental and self-sabotaging. My life was filled with pain and self-loathing. I was angry at the world. When I finally looked in the mirror I realised I was angry with myself. I was angry at how much power I had given away. I was angry I let bad things come into my life. I had love for everyone but myself. This is what I thought.
Then one day I decided to simply forgive. It took a while but I forgave my past and I forgave myself. You can too.
CHOICE
Everything is a choice. Every thought, every word and every action is a choice. Feelings are choices, which manifest as a result of our thinking. So if you are feeling sad, depressed, angry or alone check your thoughts. Remember that it really is a matter of perception.
Quantum physics talks about the notion that thoughts create our lives.
They do!
What ever you think about you become.
I spent a lot of my youth believing I was not worthy. I spent a lot of my youth thinking I was not deserving. I put everybody before myself. It was simply easier to care of others and I couldn’t do it anymore. So I decided to take control.
I took control by changing my thinking. I began thinking ~ Wow I have a new house, a new country, a new life and a new identity. Most importantly I made a choice and decided I was to have a new perspective. Had I not experienced what I experienced I wouldn’t be where I am now. Now I live in a country where I have my independence and freedom. Perhaps I wouldn’t have had these in the same capacity had I stayed where I was. I am very certain I wouldn’t have the same insight into the meaning of life.
Make a choice to give up the victim that prevents you from completely loving yourself. Make a choice to give up the victim part of you that holds you back from living your full potential.
HONOUR YOUR TRUTH
Honour yourself. Listen to what every part of your body and soul tells you. If it hurts then question it. Pain is just an entity that fights for survival within all of us. After you make a choice to change your perspective then it is up to you to live your truth.
Honour your feelings. Listen to the messages they are telling you.
So if you are in a job or a relationship that’s just not doing it for you then stop and think about why you are still there. For some of us it’s the comfort factor, laziness, and routine. For many of us its fear.
They say we are more afraid of our success then we are of failure! If your job is making you physically ill or if you are bored, then your soul is crying out for you to leave. Your soul is trying to communicate through your body.
Why aren’t you listening? What are you afraid of? Why are you still there?
Now I’ve walked this one many times, recently in fact. I stayed somewhere because it was comfortable. I made a thousand excuses why I couldn’t leave. The truth was I was afraid. I simply lost the trust in the universe and myself. My body kept talking to me. It broke down and broke down and broke down. Until
I finally surrendered. The very next day the perfect job basically landed in my lap. It happened so quickly because I finally went back to myself and started living my truth again.
The same goes for relationships. They hurt because there is no more room for growth. So you grow apart and you keep going, hoping that a miracle will happen overnight. You hold on because you are afraid of finding yourself alone.
So you continue living a lie because at least you are alone with somebody else.
Self-love does not let you do this and to give love to another you must first learn to love yourself.
To honour yourself you must live your truth.
UNIVERSAL LOVE
Once you begin living your truth through the acknowledgment of your true feelings and desires the Universal love pours all over you. Remember that the source of love can never come from the outside. However you look at the Universe, God or whatever you choose to call it – it will always come from within. You are the Universe. You contain all the knowledge, joy, love and power you’ll ever need. It’s always in the last place you look. Yourself.
So spend some time with yourself.
Begin by nurturing your body with nourishing foods and liquids. And when you eat – take your time to enjoy every bite and every moment. When you take a sip of water visualise that you’re drinking love. It really is that simple because each bite you eat, each sip you drink you are actually feeding your body; the vehicle that transports you through this life.
Do what you love.
So if you hate your job. Quit!
Forget the money and the how’s and what’s. Notice that you’re unhappy and decide that you no longer have to do anything that deprives you of yourself.
Give up toxic relationships. Don’t stay because it’s easy, because in 1, 2, 5 or 10 years it will become unbearable.
Date yourself.
Go and do something you enjoy. Write, sing, see a play, go for a swim. Do this weekly at least.
Invest in yourself.
Take a course or read a book about something that interests you. Further your personal education and your future success potential.
Lastly put yourself first.
If you don’t – they won’t.
Your success depends on the relationship you choose to have with yourself. I can say this over and over and over again, but you will only see results if you start living it. Everything begins with a first step. Where are you standing right now?
Be honest.
Imagine.
Now visualise yourself in the future. Imagine a perfect day where you are loving yourself. What does this day look like for you? What does it feel like?
Understand that there will always be barriers and limitations and challenges. Walk through them anyway and remember the Universe has always got your back.
Truly!!!
JUST LOVE YOURSELF WILL YOU!?
The rest will follow I promise.
Happy loving = happy living
Mialove xx
Tags: love, relationship